Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Graffiti

This is me:




And this is my ex-girlfriend Daphne:


No you're not reading that wrong. I did mean to write ex-girlfriend. No... I'm not sure how it happened either but she did go out with me - for 3 and a half years in fact. & just in case you don't believe me. 


Here's a photo of the two of us together:


Still not convinced? What do you want a kissing picture? Well you're not getting one of those!

We broke up back in May and although I still love her, I know that we're not going to get back together. Which - although something that has been hard to stomach - is (probably) for the best. Because although there was a lot love in the relationship, there were also a hell of a lot of arguments too. And although I still have a lot of love for her, I also have a lot of resentment for the way she dealt with our breakup and I've no doubt that she has a lot of resentment for how I dealt with the majority of our relationship. So I hope you're not expecting this to be a blogpost with a Hollywood "happily ever after" style ending. It isn't (at least not for me). 

It's not even a post about a failed attempt to win her back. It's the story of my attempt at showing her just how much I love(d) her (with no other motive. except maybe getting some closure) on the day that could have been our 4th Anniversary. Also, as this is the 'Year 31 Project' it is a post about me doing something for the first time.

It could be the first time I made a cringe worthy attempt at a Romcom style declaration of my love for someone (who has moved on and has a new boyfriend)? But instead I would like to see it as the first time that I tried my hand at graffiti. Except of course I didn't *wink* that would be illegal! And therefore very bad (although I've never been arrested so if I did do it (and get caught) I could tick two things off my list at the same time haha. Not that 'get arrested' is actually on my list. I do have a feeling that I'm going to get into trouble with the police at some point during this year long project but surely it shouldn't be something I welcome, let alone invite).

So obviously I didn't do it! I'm not so stupid that I would do it and then blog about it. But if I did try graffiti. It would probably look something like this:


Only better because I'm really good at art (eyes dart to the left).
So you're probably thinking two things right now. Firstly and most importantly "Wow. That's so cool!" and secondly "Why on earth would anybody graffiti a cloud with 'I heart you' on it?"

Well for starters it's clearly a sheep! Why a sheep? Well let me explain.

When we started dating in the Autumn of 2009 - & I was too stupid to know what I had - Daphne found a list online of the top 10 worst marriage proposals and I completely fell in love with number one (supposedly the worst). It was one of the best things I have ever seen!!! I've trawled the internet looking for it, I've searched my computer, my many backup drives and usb sticks (surely I saved it somewhere) but I can't find it anywhere. So here's an artist's impression:



I'm sure you are able to make it out perfectly (it's a work of art right?) but just in case it's been a long day or your eyes just aren't as good as they once were. It's a picture of a guy standing next to 4 sheep that have been spray painted with the words "Will you marry me?" I know. Ingenious right! So I thought it was the best thing ever (obviously) and although Daphne found the humour in how terrible it was. She made me promise that if I ever proposed to her, I wouldn't do it by recreating the picture. Begrudgingly I agreed that I wouldn't but also promised that sheep would be involved somehow. It was a standing joke between the two of us (only I completely meant it!)

Now obviously there is no longer any danger of me proposing to Daphne (in this way or any other) but how could there possibly be a better way to say I love you!? And if I was going to graffiti a sheep (yes it is a sheep) onto a wall outside my ex-girlfriend's flat (which I absolutely did not do Officer) then what better date than the 5th November (our not 4th anniversary). I couldn't let the date pass without doing something... could I?

Now (almost) finally. If you're reading this and you're in love with somebody. Whether that be a past, previous or potential partner, clearly the best way to show them how much you care is to graffiti a sheep onto a wall outside their flat. Obviously that's a joke! Please don't do it! Not only is it illegal but - useless you are an incredibly talented artist like me haha - it will also be an obscenity to the eyes of everyone who gazes upon it. Plus you'll only cheapen the original and whoever did that (not me!) is clearly a creative genious! No, what you need to do is something that is personal to the person that you love. Like buy them the light-up shoes their mother would never buy them as a child. They won't wear them much but it won't go unappreciated. Or go for something simpler. Tickets to their favourite band perhaps. Even if it is One Direction. And if you're still struggling for inspiration, this list might help: 23 ways to show someone you love them. (I do love a good list. Although why 23?)


ps. five quick tips for budding graffiti artists. 1. If possible find a legal way to do it. 2. Wear gloves (fingerless would not come recommended) or there will literally be the possibility of being caught red handed after spray painting a love heart onto a sheep. And wear old clothes. Spray paint is a bit like sand, in that it gets everywhere. 3. The right tools and a good way to attach a stencil to a wall are imperative. 4. If you are doing it somewhere you shouldn't. Do it during the dead of night. Not at 6am when people are going to work. 5. And whatever you do, don't talk about it on social media websites!


pps. even though I'm this sweet (see above) I'm completely single! So ladies, get in touch. Because why wouldn't you want a date with a guy so clearly still in love his ex-girlfirnd (who probably had plenty of good reasons to dump him in the first place?) Email me! :)

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